It’s a paradox, loving someone precisely because you know them so well, inside and out, and at the same time nursing a tiny fantasy that they can be different in the specific ways you want them to be. I think back to our time at the bar the night of the shooting, how comfortable it was, both of us settled in our ways, how much I appreciated it then that one could truly know, and accept, someone the way she and I know and accept each other. A trade-off that goes both ways, glass houses and whatnot-and besides, if you start holding your friends accountable for all their flaws, if you let the annoyances add up on a mental spreadsheet, the whole thing could come toppling down. Part of our friendship, of any relationship really, is the tacit agreement to allow a generous latitude for flaws and grievances. Maybe I’ve indulged these tendencies too much. This was classic Jenny, always self-absorbed, always the victim. I just don’t.”Ī flash of fury jolts my entire body. This is destroying me and I don’t deserve it. Which is ridiculous, when Kevin risks his life every day to make sure people-Black people too!-are safe. Like we have to be punished on behalf of all white people or something. I’m all alone and people are making all these judgments and they’re treating Kevin like he’s some sort of ‘issue’ to be dealt with. “But I just don’t think you understand how hard this has all been. She’s biting down hard on her bottom lip so at first her words are a little slurry. So yeah, maybe it sucks that Kevin is being put out there as an example when so many police officers have gotten off for doing the exact same thing. I have pages of stats for you on that if you’re interested. Endless! Do you think that’s fair? And most of these killers never face any legal consequences. Also, if you want to talk about unfair, let’s talk about how unarmed Black men are being shot over and over and over. “Not fair? First of all, you can’t say my feelings, whatever they are, aren’t fair. Is that why you’re angry at him? At us? Because that’s not fair.” If you think Kevin’s some sort of racist monster, like everyone else seems to.
“I don’t know, Jen, that’s not really for me to decide.”
Do you think Kevin should go to jail? I just need to know.”
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